From BillWard.com :
H! Everyone.
I have been trying to come to terms with putting my thoughts and experiences of 2010 onto paper, and sadly, on the Eve of Christmas, I find myself exhausted from the sheer weight of life on life’s terms. To recall anything positive is arduous without bumping into the loss and lingering sadness I’ve felt over those who have died this year, and of most recently, my wife’s father, Richard. It’s difficult to smile when you’re not smiling inside.
However, melancholy aside, I have much to be grateful for. I’m alive, sober, and surrounded by loving people, children, animals and the critters that live outside the house. I feel blessed to still have a roof over my head and a fire in the hearth. I think a lot of you know already that for a while in 1983, I lost and ran away from most of which I just spoke of, asking for spare change to buy a drink and walking aimlessly through dismal streets. The pickings of my days were most ungratifying.
In 2010, I’ve tried to be very patient with my ongoing projects, which at times seem trapped by circumstances beyond human control. Frustrations erupt as we move slowly towards finishing points, only to be stopped again by another unforeseen event. I, along with my colleagues, have been painstaking in the workplace. We have actually accomplished much in PR, documentaries, book interviews and multimedia opportunities, etc., etc. Some of the biggest projects are still slightly out of reach. I’m OK knowing we came as far as we could before Christmas loomed and demanded attention.
This year, I’ve tried to do the “right thing,” and I hope I haven’t stood in the path of someone else’s life flow. I have continuously lowered my expectations of what I think I deserve or what I want. I’ve especially focused on what I think America, my wife, my friends, my kids or God ought to do for me. I’ve pretty much had to surrender each day to “reality,” whether I like it or not, and again, I keep the expectations surrendered. It’s hard work, especially when there are a lot of challenges heading straight for me. It works out eventually – it all works out.
Watching America, Britain, and many other countries get their ass kicked even more this year has been a heartbreak. So many are hurting – beautiful people – it’s all very sad. If “now” is a modern saviour, then I hope it’ll save the countless who are living up the road and round the corner ten years from now in order to maintain their “security.” It’s a tough lesson – “financial security” will let us down every time; from time to time, it’ll let us down, and if you’re in the memories of the good old days or when life was much better, then make an attempt to find “now” because surely you will perish in “yesterday.”
I have to remember to kiss someone who needs kissing today, hold someone who needs holding today, and if I eat, I’ll remember to say thank you and be grateful. I think compassion, hope today, surrender and forgiveness are a part of love, and love is a true, positive energy source, even for the most fragile amongst us. Love is a survivor; love pulls us through. We all have the components that create love; some like me have to dig a little deeper to allow love to flourish. I hope you will find love, and I hope it will serve you well and bring laughter and joy back to you. Hold love close to your heart because surely we will continue to face another reality-biting new year.
As always, I raise my glass of water, and I wish you all happiness and health and love in 2011.
Stay safe. Stay Strong.
–Bill Ward
Black Sabbath Black Sabbath – N.I.B.
Olympia Theater – Paris, FR – December 20, 1970
